


Four Inches to the Left of Redamancy

by cecilkirk



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, M/M, Poetry, Ryden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-05-26 12:22:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6238966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilkirk/pseuds/cecilkirk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poems inspired by 'Build God, Then We'll Talk'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. raindrops on roses

it was close enough

 

he knew he was inches away

(he was miles away)

from it

 

ocean and sand between his fingers

toes

teeth

in his pores and bones

him, him, forever more

(if he was lucky)

 

northern storms had soaked his soles

filled his lungs

blurred his eyes

(like newborns)

what a downpour

 

what a mess

 

and if life was roses

and rose-colored glasses

and anything he ever needed

to see

water was detrimental

 

curious it was, then,

that flowers needed water

but too much could drown them

walking that line all the time

every second

every moment

(he feels less lonely)

 

they needed sunshine

(as did he)

(he always did)

(even more, now

that it wasn't for him anymore)

but it shone sepia between

his memories

 

sand ached cold under his feet, now,

now,

now ocean waves were

saltless and pinpricks in his skin

and west coast favorites turned

against him, and

everything had 

changed

(but that's okay)

 

curious, then, that water could

drag him down and make him

buoyant, all in one moment,

across the country

across his world

(for the only thing that had ever

really mattered)

 

post-storm gardens saw

teardrops between petals

slivers of sea drenching stems

(barometric pressure rises

as raindrops behind his eyes)

 

curious, then, that water could be

everything and nothing

meaningless

pointless

(no longer for him)

(maybe never had been)

 

curious, then, that it all

could be too far away

even when previous proximity had

been so promising

 

none of it ever really mattered

 

did 

it?

 


	2. girls in white dresses

that really was the end, wasn't

it.

 

you didn't need to search anymore

you'd plucked your flower

from the garden

(i was still under your shoe

as you admired her in

your palm)

 

but that was 

okay

fine

 

I could deal.

(iwouldhaveto)

 

white was pure and untainted

no need for color when you

could have the absence of it

 

no surprise, then,

it didn't rain that day

no surprise, then

the sky was nothing short

of colorful

 

(that was my wish, anyway)

 

roses don't mean much

when you can have doves and

flowers don't mean much

if they can't fly away

 

(i hope she'll fly away.)

(i hope you want her to.)

 

i hope the rain finds you soon.

i hope drops press into

your skin like pinpricks.

i hope you never forget.

 

that was bitter, but i

can't say that i'm sorry.

 

But I am sorry

 

sorry that my color wasn't bright enough

sorry that my words weren't good enough

(because i guess "i do" means more to

you than "i love you")

sorry i couldn't be enough

just as i was.

 

you make me frustrated at my existence.

 

i wish i hated you for it.

 

(butinevercould)


	3. sleeping with roaches

making it a game of inches--

that's the only way you

could deal with it

afterward

 

swollen lies or

toes behind lines or

closed eyes

and justifications that meant 

nothing to me

(or anyone in reality)

but you

made yourself listen

 

because you knew 

she never would

 

part of me was grateful, anyway

for that night

 

'kisses on the necks of best friends'

i could live with it

'I can't do this with her'

that was hollow. we both knew it.

'it's nothing'

 

i wish i hadn't known that

 

your reasons didn't ever

really matter

 

behind all the secrecy

and lies

and avoidance of truth

it still

 

happened

 

you looked me in the eyes

you touched me where

you didn't need to

(you just wanted to)

 

(and you didn't want

her to know)

 

that night wasn't nothing

 

but maybe whatever we had

(whatever we have)

(whatever we could ever have)

is

 

we destroyed our future with

one trip back to the past

 

prolonging nostalgia

 

all for

 

nothing

 

(i'druineverythingforyou)

 

(ialreadyhad)

 


	4. taking best guesses

i suppose that if you had ever really cared,

it wouldn't be like this

 

we'd have our rainy memories

and cherish them

shared like old photographs

and worshiped just the same

 

but there you are,

and here i am

with less metal on my fingers

and more clouds in my chest

 

there is no doubt

anymore

no need for guesses

no room for uncertainty

 

if it had ever really mattered

if it had ever been important

(if i had ever been important)

it wouldn't be like this

 

elegant crimes

you couldn't care about

 

and i am left wanting every

raindrop on my skin 

drawn from my pores

extracted from my memories

(theywerealli'veeverknown)

 

i know how you feel

and i know i never felt the same

my world faded from rose to silver, 

the sharp lack of color

that threatened to maim

 

and if you never said goodbye

then i shouldn't want to

 

i shouldn't

 

 


End file.
